I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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