i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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