I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
