Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
