smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
