It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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