I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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