Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
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I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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