Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's blow job season.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
