I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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