69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
