I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
