its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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