i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
