I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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