Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
