I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
