So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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