Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The power of my boobs compel you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
