There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Panties = found
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