he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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