I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize