im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You just made me feel so damn special
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
