oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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