K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
