i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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