she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
