Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
