you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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