Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
