She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
