I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
