I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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