Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
