these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk