Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
