i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
