Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.