i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
