Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
