Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
