Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
