if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
