i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
