I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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