last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
