Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
