is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
