Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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