You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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