Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
