My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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