omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
