My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am one with the molecules
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
