Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
