I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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