i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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