I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
