Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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