I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Farmville is her only friend.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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