I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
