At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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