My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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