i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
