Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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