Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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