But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
