So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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