Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
