He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
