I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
