Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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