His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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