dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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