Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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