i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
