There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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