i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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