Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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