I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
