You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
