Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
