You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
